- Chapter Sixteen: I can’t tell the truth.
I want to start by saying this part of the blog is more about what I got when reading this chapter, verses an actual book review. However, it’s a great chapter and anyone who has fostered, adopted, or thought about either should read it in my opinion. For a quick review… Rachel talks about how when she was pregnant with her third boy, they had decided they wanted to adopt a girl one day. They tried international adoption, foster to adopt, and after many struggles through both… they eventually adopted through private agency.
When reading this chapter, coincidentally called I can’t tell the truth… I started really thinking about MY truth through my desire to adopt, the reasons I haven’t blogged about it yet and the reason I sometimes think I can’t tell the truth. In my story I feel like if I admit to wanting a daughter it somehow diminishes my love for my sons. If I open up and tell people that I want to adopt a daughter, do people think that I don’t care about boy orphans? Do they hear that I’m unhappy? Unfulfilled? If I tell people about how my heart yearns for a relationship with a daughter…do they wonder if I would trade any of the boys I have? (Not in a million years) The main thing that struck me when reading Rachel Hollis’ adoption Chapter was how little she touched on the fact that she wanted a daughter. She confidently, and unapologetically states that when she was pregnant with her third son, they started talking about adopting a daughter. She didn’t write a paragraph about how much she loves her sons. She doesn’t try to talk the reader into believing that she appreciates what she has. She tells her story, and she moves right along. Man, why can’t I do that too? The truth is, I love my sons more than I could possibly explain. I wanted four children, regardless of gender and I believe I am called to raise Godly men. The truth also is, I want a daughter. I want bows and ballets, I want girl trips and boy talk. I want to watch my husband walk our daughter down the isle. I don’t want to always be the mother in law. I want my daughter to call me and ask advice on how to be a mom. I want a daughter. I want to stop pretending that because I want to adopt specifically a daughter, I’m somehow not worthy to talk about adoption. I want to be able to say that I want a daughter and it not take away from the fact that I also want four sons. I want people to know that my desire for a little girl doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy raising my little boys.
For reasons I can’t explain, I’ve always felt like my daughter would come through adoption instead of from blood. Maybe it’s because I’ve been through so many boy pregnancies that I just can’t imagine birthing a daughter? I really don’t have an answer for that. I’ve just always believed she would come from another mommy’s belly. While I have never had easy pregnancies… technically (at least we think) I can still birth other children. And maybe I will someday, but my heart says adoption and I’m believing in that possibility. In my blissful world, someone just calls us one day and tells us there’s a little girl on the way and she’s meant to be ours. In the real world, it’s proven to be a little more difficult than that. 😊 As for steps we have taken to make this desire come to life… we have emailed DHS several times with no response. After talking with people who know the system much better than we do, DHS doesn’t do straight adoptions most of the time (For infants). They want people who are willing to foster, and desire reunification. We can’t blame them for that. We have also emailed private agencies and right now, finances are holding us back from that. (Private adoption can cost up to $40,000 ya’ll!) We have let everyone we know in the medical profession that we are interested in a little girl, should one ever become available at a hospital. Lastly, we have prayed… and prayed… and prayed again. The bible says in Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” So every day I pray this prayer… “God, you know my heart. You know my desire for a daughter. Would you please grant this desire OR take this desire away and show me your desire?”
… Will you pray it with me?
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